Confessing is for loser

"Confessing" is for losers. Seriously. It is the lamest way of letting a girl know you like her, and it is not very effective. Here's why:

- You're giving up all control over the outcome. All the power is now in her hands to either say yes or no. There's nothing you can do about it anymore.
- You're putting unnecessary pressure on her. Suddenly she has to decide then and there how she feels about you, when she may not even be sure herself yet. And she may be afraid of hurting you if she says no. It's not fair to put her in such a position.
- You're asking her to love you back. You don't ask for love. You offer it, and if she accepts, she will offer hers in return.
- You're setting up an unrealistic expectation. Since you asked for her love, she will tend to see you as someone who always has to earn it. She will see herself as a princess to you, because you played the role of a beggar to her.
- You're creating the impression that you're ashamed to have feelings for her. Because that's what a confession is - an admission of guilt or wrongdoing. 
- You're making a huge dramatic moment out something very small. Liking a girl is ultimately a small thing.

Those last two points are perhaps the most important to understand. Just because you've met a girl whom you have the hots for, doesn't mean she's The One OMG!!!11And wanting to date her doesn't mean you're asking her to promise to marry you ASAP. If you're thinking this way, then of course you're ashamed to admit you like her, because you're expecting far more than she can realistically give. You're probably doing all you can to keep your feelings secret from her and everyone else like a lovesick schoolboy.

Stop being a lovesick schoolboy. Mature adults are not ashamed of their feelings. Whether you've fallen head over heels for her, or you just think she's really really pretty, you should not be afraid to show it - to her. And you can show it in a way that flatters her, that makes her feel desired, and that does not make her uncomfortable.

1) Eye contact. You know how two people tend to not look each other in the eye for too long? That there's usually a time limit before both people look away? Well, if you like this girl, maintain eye contact just a little longer than the time limit. Look at her just a little longer than necessary. Then give her a little smile before looking away. Don't stare, don't glue your eyes to her all the time. Just don't be afraid to show that you like looking at her.  

2) Make her laugh. It's one thing to get her to talk comfortably with you. It's another thing for her to enjoy talking to you, so much so that she remembers how much she enjoys talking to you. Be at your wittiest and most charming, put some effort into making her laugh. Don't be too shy to say something like, "Hey, wanna hear a joke?" Then tell her a dozen jokes, one after another. Let her know that you're purposely trying to make her happy.

3) Remember the things she says. Listen to what she has to say, then show her that you listened. If she mentioned her dog Poochie, greet her with "Hi, how's Poochie?" the next time you see her. If she mentioned she has trouble sleeping, ask her if she slept well the next day. If she likes a certain TV show, find out when the show airs, then ask her how was last night's episode the next day. Better yet, watch the show, so that you can talk about it with her. You can even tell her you didn't likethe show - the fact that you watched it just because of her is flattering enough.

4) Physical proximity/contact. This is a tricky one, so be very careful. Position yourself closer to her - not too close, but a little closer than normal. You know the distance between friends, and the distance between bf and gf? You want to be exactly halfway in-between. (And better make sure you're wearing deodorant!) Similarly, give her a little touch every now and then, but be careful. Touch her shoulder when you want to get her attention. When talking to her, pat her on her arm to emphasize a point; if you've gotten close enough to her, you can try her thigh. When walking together, put your hand on the small of her back to guide her in a different direction. Just don't let your hand linger there too long.

You know what's the best thing about all these? They are measurable. Meaning, you will know instantly whether or not they're working. If she likes you, she will return the eye contact with you; she will laugh at all your jokes; she will appreciate the fact that you remember things about her; she will stand close to you, and she will touch you. If she doesn't, then you'll know she's not interested. By doing these things, you're not only showing her you like her, you're also giving her the option of gently rejecting you - or subtly encouraging you.

And if you're getting all the right signals from her, it's time to move on to:

5) Ask her out. Just you and her. None of the rest of your gang. Nobody else. Yes, it's a date. It could be a movie, it could be a drink at a coffee place, or if you're really confident, it could be dinner at a nice restaurant. Don't treat it as if it's a big deal, as if by saying yes she'll be making a big commitment to you. Keep this in mind if she's reluctant - say, "Hey, it's just a movie/coffee/dinner, I'm not asking you to marry me laa."

And after you do all this, after you've got the date... then what?

Then you just let it happen naturally. And believe me, if you've gotten this far and the girl has been showing all the signs of liking you, it will happen naturally. Which may be a surprise if you've always thought that tackling a girl is a long, gruelling, agonizingly difficult task that involves a "confession". You may be surprised at how easy it was. Which is as it should be. (And don't give me that "if it's easy to get, you won't appreciate" nonsense.  ) If a guy and a girl like each other, they should fall into a relationship easily.

This is how mature adults do it. And even if you are a lovesick schoolboy, you should still do it this way. Because it's the right way to do it.

Note: these are not 5 steps. They're only arranged in that order from most to least daring, but you don't need to follow the order - except that if you want her to say yes to no. 5, you should've gotten good responses to nos. 1-4 first. No. 3 obviously only works from the second time you see her onwards, but if you're getting signals from her during your very first meeting, then by all means ask her out there and then. They're not 5 steps, they're 5 ways. 

Accepting, Feeling, and Releasing Painful Emotions

“Eventually you will come to realize that love heals everything, and love is all there is.” ~Gary Zukav

Last year I developed some unexplained symptoms that could be likened to IBS, Chron’s disease, or even morning sickness (although I wasn’t pregnant, so there was no promise of a baby to make it all worth it).

I had no idea what caused it, why it was there, or what to do about it.

This shook me because I’d always had a strong intuitive connection with my body and I had always been healthy, but now when I asked my body a question, there was just silence.

It was as if a thick fog had parked right between my inner wisdom and me, blocking my channel of intuitive guidance about what to eat, what to avoid, and what was really going on underneath it all. It was so quiet—there weren’t even any crickets!

With my intuition evading me, I was stuck in the surface level “real” world to manage it. I was dealing with debilitating symptoms every day that were, bit by bit, wearing down my strength and self-control, until one day I crumbled in a heap.

I had decided to practice what I preach and do something nourishing, despite how terrible I felt. So I got my yoga mat with the intention of pushing through my discomfort to do something that would probably make me feel better. As soon as I felt that mat underneath my feet, I felt safe, I felt nurtured, I felt held.

I had entered a place where I could go deep and be real. I wasn’t expecting my yoga mat to hold me like the compassionate embrace of a lifelong friend, but that’s exactly what it did, and I surrendered to it.

Once the flow of tears began, there was no way I could stop it. The pain of the everyday struggle, the expectations I had of myself as a mother, the disappointment I felt from not being capable of living my life to the fullest, and the resentment I had toward “everyone else,” who could eat what they wanted without suffering the way that I was… it all came out.

And underneath it was frustration, then anger, then self-hatred, then rage, then emptiness, silence, and peace.

I didn’t have any revelations as to what this was all about or how to fix it, but I simply allowed myself to release everything that had been building up inside of me. And just when I thought the tears were done, more would flow. I screamed, I pounded the mat, and I breathed deeply until only peace remained.

Here’s what I took away from that experience.

1. Trust is essential.

Because my intuition went quiet, I stopped trusting myself. I had forgotten that my body was communicating with me in the only way that it could. I didn’t think to look for the lesson or meaning in it all.

Once I had released all my tears and pain, my sense of self-trust returned and I was able to bring myself back to a space of gratitude and openness.

Trusting that there is something to gain from your experience will help you to remain open to it rather than feeling bad about it.

2. It’s okay to cry.

Crying is not a sign of weakness but rather a sign of strength, self-respect, and love.

You need to honor your urges to cry. Not only does it clear and release anything that you’ve been holding in, crying also connects you with the present and allows you to be your most authentic self, even if you’re alone like I was.

3. Self-compassion is a game-changer.

Once I let out all of the self-hatred that I had been holding onto, I made space for self-compassion.

I spoke lovingly to myself, I acknowledged the challenges that I had been facing, and I offered myself the nurturing and love that I had previously been searching for outside of myself.

Being your own friend is a powerful skill that can keep you strong and grounded in the face of adversity.

4. There’s no need to fear what’s inside of you.

It might seem dark and terrifying when you look at what you’re hiding inside of you, but there is not a single part of you that won’t benefit from being loved, accepted, and respected.

Shed some light onto the darkness; give each part of you a voice to express its needs, its pain, and its story. Once you realize that your inner demons cannot hurt you, you take away the power they once held over you and can start loving yourself unconditionally.

5. We all need a sacred space to be vulnerable.

We all need a space where we can explore, accept, heal, and (learn to) love ourselves.

For me it was the yoga mat, but for you it may be your meditation cushion, your local park or beach, or even in your bed.

Find or create a loving and unconditional space where you can be raw, honest, and vulnerable. Visit it whenever you get a sense that something within is ready to shift and release.

Surrender into the strong support of your sacred space, and remember that it’s safe to let your feelings flow. It may even be the best thing for you.

Communication and Understanding

Why is it that we’re willing to look outside our relationships for answers to the questions that could just as easily be addressed with the person we’re with?     Relationships begin and breakdown for various reasons, but essentially, it boils down to how openly the two individuals involved are willing to communicate with one another. Neither fear nor anger has proven to be a source of the substance needed to bond two lovers together. Respect, honesty and understanding, on the other hand, allow communication to take root and provide the foundation needed for growth. No healthy relationship can sustain for very long without communication. Once you enter a serious relationship, you become two individuals intertwined as one, journeying down a road lined with obstacles as well as treasures. How can you hurdle those obstacles and gain those treasures if you’re unwilling to share your thoughts and feelings with your partner in life? Communication leads to understanding. Understanding leads to trust. Trust sets the tone for love. Love trumps all when the right ingredients are included.

The Love Within

It’s such a common occurrence to hear people say that they’ve never been in love or have had that great romance they so long for. When asked why, the typical response is, “I just haven’t found anyone.” Why do we feel the need to have someone else validate our worth? Why is it that we, who spend so much time with ourselves, require someone else’s actions or words to bring us happiness? Though affection and affirmations are special, we have to be our first loves and our true loves if we are ever going to be loved the way we desire. The mirror has to reflect the beautiful person we project and not the image we accept from those who can’t acknowledge the greatness that lies within each and every one of us. Our journeys may parallel with that of a kindred spirit, but if the energy you possess is generated from self-loathing and negativity, then it’s only natural that the energy you attract is of the same content. Be the author of your own love story. Don’t ever let another soul define the contents of your essence.

Love and Partnership

As quickly as two people find themselves in a relationship, they find it can end just as fast. That’s because there’s a significant and common misunderstanding of what it means to engage in a serious relationship with another person. Most people want to be with a person as they presently view them without the understanding of how moments in life can alter realities. We’re attracted to their physique, their status, their financial stability and the other clichés, but it’s not always lasting. Life happens. People age. They gain weight, lose jobs and have issues outside of the relationship that affect them forever. What you have to decide before investing serious time with that person is whether or not you can be life partners or if you’re just in it for the moment.

There’s nothing wrong with “passing time” with someone as long as it’s established that it’s more of a mutual sharing of space than a declaration of commitment. It’s only when you have conversations about the future and when you make plans to occupy that time with them, that the moments you share now begin to be about something more than just fun and games. It sets a foundation for trust and security within the confines of the relationship that can only be sustained when the intent is to grow “together” and be “life partners.” Life partners meaning, being there for one another as a team. Much like a seesaw, it takes two. It takes one to lift up the other and both to create a balance. But people have to stop being too selfish to elevate their partner if they themselves hope to rise.

Roles Men and Women Play in Relationships

People are always seeking to establish their position in relationships by trying to “dominate” the other in order to protect themselves from being dominated. In the lion kingdom, the lioness reigns as queen. She’s the fiercest and most revered animal in the jungle. While the rest of the pride sits at home, she hunts. Still though, she bows to the Lion for he is King. His strength and roar is humbling. Their relationship is bred out of respect and cooperation for the betterment of the pride. The point is, men and women are constantly at each other’s throats, fighting each other for self preservation and finding themselves, by themselves. A strong man, one whom allows his queen to be fierce in her own right, can only develop his kingdom if he in turn, is supported by a woman who is capable of allowing her king to provide her with security. Love and support go a lot further than fear and jealousy.

My Piece Of Advice

Missing someone is terrible but at the same time,a sweet feeling.
U will be sitting around wondering if umeant anything to him/her.
Thinking if he/she ever cares about u.
Rushing to the phone once it rings, hoping thatit's him/her.
Looking out of the window hoping that he/she willsurprise u by appearing downstairs.
Sitting in front of the television but thinkingof her/him missing the final episode of yourfavourite show.
Laying on your bed, thinking of the last time uwent out together.
Thinking of how nice it will be to sit under thestars again, talking about everything, yourdreams, plans, future.
Logging on to the internet hoping to see him/heronline. When u realise that he/she isn't onlineand did not return your page, u will startworrying if he/she is okay.
Missing someone is a way of growing up i guess.It exposes u to loneliness.It teaches u how to cope with being lonely andlet u know that there is actually a feeling knownas emptiness.
Sometimes it feels good to miss someone.U know that u really care and u indulge in thefeeling of loving/caring for him/her.But missing someone and not knowing if he/she isfeeling the same is terrible.
U feel as if u are being left alone.So if u miss someone, tell him/her and let themknow.
At the same time, ask if they miss u.Don't let the feeling of missing someone become jealousy or paranoid. If u are the one being missed and u know it, let the other party know.if u miss him/her too, tell them.Don't let them wait.